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Friday, February 15, 2013

LOL

Church Ladies With Computers-- 
They're Back!
 Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
Thank God for church ladies with computers.  These
sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared
in church bulletins or were announced during church
services:
 
-------------------------- 
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes
meals.
 
-------------------------- 
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on
the Water.
 The sermon tonight: Searching
for Jesus.
 
-------------------------- 
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things
not worth keeping around the house. Bring
your husbands.
 
-------------------------- 
Remember in prayer the many who are sick
of our community. Smile at someone who is
hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who
doesn't care much about you
. 
-------------------------- 
Don't let worry kill you off - let the
Church help.
 
-------------------------- 
Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass
this way again,“giving obvious pleasure to
the congregation.
 
-------------------------- 
For those of you who have children and
don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs
. 
-------------------------- 
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the
choir. They need all the help they can get.
 
----------------   ---------- 
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married
on October 24 in the church. So ends a
friendship that began in their school days.
 
-------------------------- 
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening
in the church hall. Music will follow.
 
-------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon
topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and
listen to our choir practice.
 
-------------------------- 
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due
to the addition of several new members and to
the deterioration of some older ones.
 -------------------------- 
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and
other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be
used to cripple children.
 
-------------------------- 
The church will host an evening of fine dining,
super entertainment and gracious hostility.
 
-------------------------- 
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
medication to follow.
 
-------------------------- 
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing
of every kind. They may be seen in the basement
on Friday afternoon.
 
-------------------------- 
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn
singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
 
-------------------------- 
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday
morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited
to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the
B. S. is done.
 
-------------------------- 
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies
of the Congregation would lend him their
electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
next Sunday.
 
-------------------------- 
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet
Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
 
-------------------------- 
The eighth-graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement
Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited
to attend this tragedy.
 
-------------------------- 
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the
First Presbyterian Church.
 Please use large
double door at the side entrance.
 
-------------------------- 
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's
new campaign slogan last Sunday:"I Upped My
Pledge - Up Yours
."